A Festivus for the Rest of Us: How to Celebrate the Seinfeld Holiday

My first writing gig was in 1995 as a featured contributor to a Geocities Seinfeld fan club’s newsletter. I was 10 years old. The rest of the writing staff was well over 25. I quickly escalated to editor status, in charge of the Trivia and Contest sections, creating weekly games, quizzes, and contests for devoted Seinfeld fans. Little did the (adult) fan club know, behind the keyboard pounded away a chubby 4th grader with an odd obsession for Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David.

My love for Seinfeld still exists today and in honor of the fictitious December 23rd holiday made famous by the episode “The Strike,” I wrote this guide on how to celebrate Festivus.

Forget about Christmas, who cares about Hanukkah, because come December 23rd, it’s time to celebrate our unfavorite anti-holiday: Festivus. This invented holiday gained widespread acclaim thanks to Seinfeld, one of the greatest sitcom programs of all time. Once a fictitious celebration, Festivus has soared with massive appeal, becoming one of the most important cult secular seasonal holidays. So it’s time that we all reject mindless holiday consumerism, team up with our inner Scrooge to push annoying Christmas spirit off a cliff, and embrace the wintertime festive-less blues by celebrating Festivus.

The origins of Festivus

Dan O’Keefe, a screenwriter on the hit 1990s sitcom Seinfeld, first wrote about this holiday in “The Strike” episode of Seinfeld that broadcasted in 1997. While appearing to be a fictional holiday created by the character George Costanza’s father, Frank, it was later revealed that Festivus was, in fact, based on O’Keefe’s family celebration that dated back to the 1960s. The first Festivus included rituals such as the “Airing of Grievances” and the “Feats of Strength.” Although on the show the holiday was celebrated on December 23rd, the first Festivus actually took place in February of 1966, and the family celebrated Festivus any time from December to May, in response to family tension.

The Festivus pole

Just like the Christmas tree, or the Hanukkah menorah, the major symbol of Festivus is the unadorned aluminum pole. The pole requires no decoration; tinsel, ornaments, and bright flickering lights just cause distractions. Austere and sturdy, the pole should be made of aluminum, a material with a high strength-to-weight ratio. During off-season, you can store the pole in areas of the house such as a crawl space, next to the boxes of vacation clothes in the moth-ridden attic, or the porter’s maintenance wardrobe that has been converted into a “flat” so that you can be within the food delivery radius for the good Chinese restaurant that serves “Supreme Flounder.”

The Guest List

This holiday isn’t just for family, friends, and relatives you only see once per year. Open up the guest list to those who have frustrated you – angry at your dry cleaner for stealing your clothes? Invite him and his wife for the festivities! Can’t stand the sight of your pesky neighbor? Invite him along too and give him a piece of your mind! Is your boss a major pain in the ass? Make sure he can make it and tell him exactly why he stinks big time.

Airing of Grievances

Festivus opens each year with the “Airing of Grievances,” a ritual that takes place while eating Festivus dinner. You have any problems with your close family and friends? Here’s your chance to participate in diarrhea of the mouth, spilling your conscience by lashing out at all of those who have disappointed you over the year. Gather friends and family around a too-small dinner table, and right before they take the first bite of Festivus meatloaf dinner, drop the criticism bomb to tell them how much they really suck at life.

The Feats of Strength

A major highlight of celebrating Festivus includes the Feats of Strength challenge. Immediately following Festivus dinner, it is customary for the head of the household to select one lucky person and challenge them to a wrestling match. Full of insults and tear-shed, this marks the closing of Festivus and once the head of the household is pinned to the ground, Festivus has ended.

Festivus dinner

Unlike elaborate holiday meals, Festivus dinner should be modest, mediocre and straightforward. You should probably prepare a standard meatloaf, topped with mashed potatoes and catsup (instead of ketchup), it should also probably lack salt and overall flavor. To honor the original holiday dinner, prepare a turkey or ham for the entrée, followed by a Pepperidge Farm storebought cake decorated with M&M’s. While no booze is served at the table, come prepared with your own flask for the much-needed table swigs. Other Festivus dinner menu ideas here.

Festivus Miracles

Festivus Miracles are unlike any other surprising divine unexplainable events. Lacking any scrap of improbable marvel, these so-called miracles include everyday mundane occurrences such as running into a friend on the street who lives in the neighborhood.

Presents on Festivus

Festivus is all about rejecting holiday materialism and saying no to the commercialization of Christmas time. For those who feel pressured to conform to holiday social norms of buying presents, you can gift a donation to a fictitious charity, like the “Human Fund.”

Festivus in pop culture

Developing a massive cult following, shortly after the Seinfeld episode “The Strike” aired, Festivus dinners, parties, and ceremonies began popping up. Cities throughout the United States began honoring the secular holiday by erecting Festivus poles and holding public airing of grievances. Denver, Colorado hosts an annual Festivus film festival, residents in Florida erected a Festivus pole made out of beer cans, and the ice cream company Ben and Jerry’s created a Festivus flavor. The screenwriter who popularized Festivus even wrote a book in 2005 entitled, “The Real Festivus: The True Story Behind America’s Favorite Made-Up Holiday.”