Forget about foolishly wasting your money away on frivolous “store-bought” fancypants grills. Instead save your pretty pesos and MacGyver the shit out of your next asado, parrilla-ing it up the
poor creative way.
Learning how to masterfully grill meat is really the secret path to becoming a true Argie, other than growing a mullet, changing your name to Facundo, frequenting After Office parties when you don’t really go to an office, nor have a real job, and conquering the art of spitting “Fayboo” piropos.
Once you gain mad respect for your ‘cueing skills, you are just one chorizo away from dropping that Yanqui nickname forever, becoming the capo of all grillmasters. So how can a silly know-nothing gringo really earn asado respect from a know-it-everything Argentine? At your next parrilla party copy cat one of these seven meat entrepreneurs and you too can have an Argento-carne grillebration that will go down in porteño history.
1. The Chimi Churri Chango
Casually ride a Jumbo shopping cart into the parking lot pretending to load up your imaginary car, and keep on going Thelma and Louise style, gliding that bad boy down Dorrego and all the way home. Then, let the barbecuing games begin, getting that perfect grilling sear from… yes… the shopping cart metal.
2. The Chairmaster
Old abandon chair on the side of the street? Overpriced piece of junk you were swindled into buying at the Mercado de Pulgas and it broke once you took it home? No matter how the throne arrived in your possession, meet your spanking new makeshift meatgrill.
Street food taken to a wondrously sucio level, who needs permits or even a home to have a great asado fiesta? You only really need a cheap grill pan, some rocks, hot coals and a few cucarachas crawling around (for authenticity and the real Buenos Aires experience, of course) to take your meats directly to the streets for a good ole fashioned chorifest. If any police or neighbors protest, just give them a sausage and you can bet they will join in on the two thumbs up fun.
4. The Hot Wheels, Hot Beef
It doesn’t really matter how this car hood / front half of the car made it to the second floor of this building, all that’s important is what those red hot flames do to a hot, juicy cut of beef.
Badass grills ain’t just for your teefs and pimped out rims ain’t for your car no’mo, it’s fo’ yo’ meat, son (said in a white, suburban girl Midwest accent). Marinate and skewer that good stuff for a non-traditional barrio BBQ.
6. The might-catch-fire-or-collapse Cardboard Mini
Cardboard box? Check! Scissors? Check! Thick chopsticks? Check! #TIA? Doble chequeado.
I can proudly say that I have been to at least a dozen asados where when I looked closely beyond the kilos of meat and red peppers with eggs cracked inside, the actual grill vehicle was made out of a barrel drum or oil barrel. It was an especially exciting spectacle when said oil barrel was perched on top of a boat, sailing across the wild brown Tigre waters.
By the end of your asado success, your friends will begin to flail their hands in the most Argentine fútbol way possible, lift you up on their shoulders, making you a meatmaking parrilla legend for life. Victory is yours!
PS: Most of these photos came from the wonderful online asado mecca Locos X el Asado.