Pick Up The Fork

A Serious Eater's Guide to Buenos Aires and Beyond

Food Porn Depression: Yanquiland Chapter

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I always go into a deep, dark pit of food depression once back in Buenos Aires after an extended vacation. Generally, that intense culinary homesick feeling comes into full force Day 2 of being back, around lunch time or inside a supermarket, when I get a huge cock slap realization to the face: the food in Buenos Aires S-U-C-K S at times can be very disappointing due to a lack of variety and affordable ethnic food.  In an overall food slump for the past few weeks, it’s time to fantasize about the food that assisted me in gaining 8 kilos (right in time for summer!) while I was visiting Chicago and New York. 

Just a lonely-ass girl, sitting on a bench, eating some Shake Shack.  Ladies, that’s the way to find a husband.

Café Habana is deeeeeeelish. Think beans, rice, fried plantains, Cubano sandwiches and of course, the star of the show, this incredible ear of corn.  Charred and smothered with a bunch of creamy heaven.

Oh how liberated I feel when I’m able to actually order a salad and know that it will be good! Shrimp Cobb from Extra Virgin. Winning.

Now this is brunch.  LOBSTER eggs Benedict from Jane, light way to start off your day.

A big and GAY ice cream. My flavor of choice? The Salty Pimp: vanilla ice cream, dulce de leche, sea salt, chocolate dip. And yes I chose it for the name.
Big Gay Cake.

I’d never been to the infamous Katz’s deli, so I guess I had to go.  JEW ME UP, Deli.

Hey Argies, guess how much I paid for this Sushi? 8 dollars. That’s 34 pesos.  Spicy tuna roll with REAL *RED tuna, shrimp tempura roll and inari. There is no philadelphia in sight. TAKE THAT, beeyatch.I love Americansized sushi rolls. While my love for tempura and sweet drizzlings may make sushi snobs cringe, I could eat Tataki Crunch (shrimp tempura and scallions, wrapped outside seared spicy tuna in a sweet teriyaki sauce) and Avocado Torch (spicy tuna rolled outside avocado and tempura crunch on the top) rolls all day, everyday. Thanks Koya.

World Market has beer?! Good imported beer!

Breakfast time in Highland Park.  Plain toasted bagel with cream cheese, red onion, heirloom tomatoes and cucumber.

English muffin with avocado butter, tomatoes and TURKEY bacon.

Breakfast fit for a Jew. Bagel, cream cheese with chives, red onion, tomato, capers and LOX.

I’d pay big money for Trader Joes to send me a case of this heaven in a jar.

Homemade chopped salad with great ingredients: home grown charred sweet corn, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, fresh basil, chopped turkey bacon.
 Dear Thai Food, I really miss you. Especially Pad Thai from Cozy in Evanston.

More Thai, this time from Your Choice in Glenview.  Whoever thought “Your Choice” was a good name for a restaurant, yikes…. But it doesn’t matter because they have killer chicken satay, peanut sauce, chicken and cashews, and tofu broccoli.

Quick stop to Wilmette for some Homer’s ice cream.  Peppermint stick is my flavor of choice. Shelly likes to lick it too.

Heladooooooooooooooooo

Esnow cones with some Chicago skyline on the side.
Yeah, you read it: bacon chocolate.
After spending time in Israel, I find one of the most delicious falafel sandwiches ever at Sultan’s Market in Chicago.
Hot dawwwwg. Chicago style: all beef, yellow mustard, onion, relish, dill pickle spear, tomato, hot pepper and celery salt.Piece of Piece pizza in Wicker Park.Cold hot chocolate with a homemade marshmallow from Hot Chocolate.Celeb chef Paul Kahan rocks it at Publican.  Best pork belly of ma life, if not one of the best things that has touched my lips.A supermarket aisle devoted to canned chili. USA! USA! USA!
My first stop back in Highland Park, straight to Michael’s for a jumbo char dog and cheese fries.Best chopped salad evaaaa at Rosebud.Chunky lobster bisque. Coulda been my nickname back in the day.Plate of healthiness: veggies with rice topped with baked tofu with a red curry sauce, mixed teriyaki veggies topped with toasted cashews. Semi homemade with the help of Trader Joes.

Blue Cheese Burger with crispay fries, margarita machines and summery Blue Moon beer at D&S Tequila.After eating all that food, we needed a nap. Yes, my shorts are unbuttoned/didn’t fit anymore.

Check this out for a complete USA food porn album.

Author: ForkYou

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Comments

Comments

  1. The question is… Why the fuck you don’t move back to the States then? You suck, not the food.

  2. I’m offended! I have no negative thoughts on anything in the whole world, I love everything! yet I’m offended by somebody else having negative thoughts on Argentine food!!

  3. Would it be creepy if I asked you if those shorts are from Banana Republic? Because I’m pretty sure I own them, and while they’re long enough to cover my fatty thighs in the summertime, they are NOT conducive to extended eating sessions – damn high waist. Also, a confession: I was thisclose to licking my screen last night while I read this post. Amazeballs.

  4. Toda la comida q mostras es xa un gordo q se va a morir en 1 año x las arterias tapadas! Empeza a comer mas sano! Xq no vas a vivir mucho si seguis asi!

    • Vicky por lo visto sos medio pelotuda, porque mas de la mitad de las fotos de este articulo son de vegetales, ensaladas, mariscos y sushi.
      Anda a comerte una milanesa a la napolitana mejor.

  5. Aaawww, that is evilesque!! Everything look sooo yummy!

    And I agree, for a food lover, food sucks in Argentina. And I’m not even from the US!

  6. I like this post a lot.
    I like that the hotter-blonde-than-you-Shelly gets a most worthy mention.
    I like Chicago – even though I haven’t been there. The food looks the shizzle and I can’t wait to see the vagina building.
    I also like Billy McK.
    …But I still really like BsAs craptastic food.
    Sometimes I mumble in my sueños – carne picante, queso y cebolla empanadas por favor…
    xx
    Love your number fan,
    The Thunder from Down Under.

    • Hey Gyna,
      Thanks for your message. One day I went out to lunch at a POPULAR Palermo Soho restaurant that’s always busy and wanted to order a salad. None of them looked good, so I went with classic Caesar with grilled chicken, for an affordable 50 pesos. When the salad came, there was tuna and some other naush-tastic shizzle on top. I tried to explain to the mozo that this was canned tuna, not grilled chicken, but he tried to convince me otherwise. “You must be confused,” he tells me, “This salad IS what you ordered and on top is chicken not tuna.” I’m no culinary genius, but I like to pride myself that I can distinguish between proteins. In the end he returned it, brought back a lovely Caesar topped with mushy tasteless chicken and drenched in a homemade mayonnaise dressing. What a wonderful BA food memory.

      • Arghh yes a delightful BsAs memory… my rose-tinted spectacles have worked again on my memoirs! Let us not forget – would you like soy sauce with your salad?
        xx

  7. A huge cock slap in the face! Way to push the envelope Allie.

    And Anonymous, chill out and quit hiding behind anonymity. I think the blog will survive without you.

    The food in the USA is superior by the way.

  8. I am really offended that you said that the food in BA sucks….

    You are generalizing and truthfully, I loved your blog, but now I think you don’t get it as well as I thought you did.

    • Anonymous, great to see that you are so passionate about food that what I say offends you. But at times I do think the food in BA sucks, especially after coming back from the USA where I have a ridiculously delicious variety of affordable food. There are other times when I think the food in BA is AWESOME (as you must know because I write about it).

      Maybe you don’t get the blog as well as you thought you did… The overall message that I’m writing about is this love-hate relationship I have with the food scene here. It’s a normal feeling for any food-obsessed extranjero to have when they live in a foreign country for 5+ years – trying to adapt the best they can to their new home, but still at times feeling homesick (in my fatty ass case) for the food from my home country.

      • My name is victoria. I an not hiding behind anything. I am an argentine who lived in the US for many years, and if you want to contact me and continue this conversation (in an adult way), I’ll send you my e-mail or phone number.

        I just wanted to say I felt offended by the comment. I think that (hoped that), I would be able to express my opinion on what its written. I guess not, because of all the hate comments that followed.

        This blog I guess is about food, not about which country is better or whatever, like if we were in elementary school.

        It just hurt me that an american (can I asume you are american?) would bash the culinary aspects of a country that has welcomed you.

        But if you all think that fried, hormone-pumped, greasy, artificial, chemically-enhanced fatty food is better, so be it.

        And BillyMcK.. I did not want to get to this, but you did… So, If the food (and I guess you assume that everything else too), is better in the US, I cordially invite you to return to your country.

      • I’m Argentine and think you are cock-slapstick funny and am not offended that you like the food in your own country better. Just like I would miss pizza, empanadas, milanesas, beef, dulce de leche, alfajores, choripans if I moved to the US. Look at that list, you think that isn’t fried, greasy, artificial, chemically-enhanced fatty food? when I was in the US, I loved the food for the variety – not “fatty” American food but vietnamese, mexican, japanese, thai, and italian which is difficult to find in BsAs at a good place that’s not 200 pesos per person.

      • claro nacho el problema es eso, que la comida acá no apesta pero que si hay una cierta falta de variedad, y los lugares que tienen comida distinta (y rica) te cobran un huevo. en estados unidos hay una curiosidad para la comida que acá poco existe.

  9. If I weren’t just about to travel to the United States for a month and a half for my own extended pig-out session, I would be seriously depressed right about now too. Thanks for reminding me of what I have to look forward to. Killer food photos!

  11. Nice to know that I’m not alone! I gained about 7 kilos on a long trip up there last month. Bagels every single morning. A bag of S&V kettle chips every afternoon. We must look like caricatures of Augustus Gloop, running around and cramming everything into our mouths before our precious time is up. I lugged back two tubs of gochujang and a kitchenaid stand mixer (was on sale at Amazon for $220…couldn’t resist!) so I’ll be a happy little camper for a while.

    Anyway, awesome pics, I’ll bookmark this page for inspiration.

  12. Thanks to this post I have never been more excited to go home. This also confirms my suspicion that Argentines are skinny because the food sucks and Americans are fat because our food rocks! great post! Almost as good as sushi with no cream cheese!

    • Nope, it’s because American food is full of horrible additives and Argentinean food isn’t ;)

      • If you choose to eat shit American food, yes it’s full of additives. If you choose to ingest shit Argentine food, that’s full of additives too.

        In the US you can find LOTS of food that is natural, healthy, not filled with chemicals. Why are so many Americans fatties? Education and socioeconomic reasons. But that would be the same case in Argentina with obesity on the rise (in the provincia and throughout the country). What makes you think processed food in Argentina isn’t full of chemicals? Processed food from any country is horrible, the answer is learning how to read a food label.

      • As an spaniard living in Argentina for a couple of years I have to say that obviously their food is way healthier than American food, and it is very rare to see fat people (I mean really fat, like you see everywhere in America). Also, I find that their food is delicious, you have to know the right places! Hope you have a chance to visit Tegui, Osaka, Caseros, Magendie, El Obrero and many many more that I now love!
        xoxox
        Gala

      • I know this topic has seen an overkill of responses, but I can’t resist: Has anyone read the ingredients label for a Knorr stock cube? Full of yummy trans-fats! And I know Knorr is very popular here, and sold as a wholesome product. There might not be lots of fully obese people in Argentina (yet!), but there are more and more fat people, and fat kids!! I saw a swimming class the other day in Las Cañitas and 80% of the kids were chubby. It would be nice if the rest of the world learned from the US and never went the way of cheap trans-fats, high-fructose corn syrup and chemical-filled sugar substitutes, but it looks like people aren’t learning the lessons of the USA. The US got so fat because we were fed cheap foods and without realizing it was so bad. And then we were given diet drinks and told this would combat the obesity. Now the whole world knows all these things are bad, and at least in the US there has been a movement away from these things. I feel like I see Argentina blindly following the US steps towards becoming an unhealthy nation–just look at peoples’ carts at the supermarket, and how full the fast-food restaurants always are! Not to mention the booming business of kioscos selling the worst of the worst to young and old. Enjoy the time you have left to make fun of Americans as being the only fatties!! Hopefully people will figure out that all that cheap food is not the way to go, but remember: you’ve seen the effects, you’ve been warned!

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