Dear Shitty Napkins in Argentina,
I need to get something off my chest and be truly honest with you for a hot minute…. YOU TOTALLY SUCK.
You’ve pissed me off since the moment I first felt your terrible rough yet slippery, nonabsorbent texture. Your feeble wax-like paper material doesn’t remedy messes nor does it cure a disastrous food-on-face debacle, making you virtually incapable of wiping or cleaning.
Seriously, what’s your point anyway? Why don’t you do something with your life? You contribute nothing to society. You’re just taking up space, piling up in gross crinkled wads on tables, and fooling hard-working eaters, in a moment of weakness, in dire need of a hand wipe or face blot.
All you do is move the grease and food particles around the face, inconveniently distributing it to various garment and bodily extremities, exacerbating potential embarrassing food-on-face conditions and ultimately worsening soiled facial circumstances.
Were you created as a joke? Did you lose a bet? Were you the product of an abysmal napkin company revenge plot? Or perhaps you were the result of a discontinued dryer sheet that failed to sell at the Dollar Store?
You’re pointless and I hate you.
Yours Truly,
PS: I know you’re gonna say “Ohhh! But these napkins aren’t made to wipe your face, it’s to hold the pizza and absorb the grease. Fine! Well if that’s the case, then also please provide me with a real napkin. Okurr? Thanks and good day sir.
Messy napkin photo by Jocelyn Mandryk
Messy napkin model: Madi Lang
Nico says
You’re using them wrong… the whole point is to wrap your hands and grab your finger food so that you don’t even get dirty in the first place.
Jenn says
This is brilliant! :) I was just pondering their purpose the other day! Although to jot a quick note or blot your sweaty forehead, they are wonderful. :P They are all over the country, not just BA. Truly my nemesis in messy food moments.
AMaglione says
Chip places=chip napkins. The problem are not de napkins, were the places you chose…sorry….And, Argentine is not only Buenos Aires…try to understand…
Franco says
I didnt get the point do they suck or they are nonabsorbent? make up your mind! Jokes apart they are useful as tracing paper.
@HarinaPana says
This is so fucking accurate.
Gordito says
I want to be your napkin
Anna says
Same story here in Peru. The napkins here are an unsuccessful crossbreed of toilet paper and baking sheet.
Adam Wiggins says
Dear thing-that-is-not-a-napkin, you’re only good to get grease off my forehead in the summer when Buenos Aires reaches the temperature of Mercury.
superfav says
You are right, they don’t fulfill their purpose. But it’s not an Argentine thing. You can find references in literature. For example, “Why I hate Saturn” http://www.amazon.com/dp/0930289722/ depicts napkins with similar characteristics.
octopussycat says
Scientists are baffled by these Argentine napkins, apparently they don’t get wet, you can’t melt them or set them on fire and if you eat one of them they come out of your other end all dry and unwrinkled.
n says
el truco es arrugarlas un poco antes de usarlas, ahi absorven algo
Matias says
I’m Argentinian and that’s true, in every restorant or “cantina” ,”pizzeria” has that tipe of napkins hah, They Suck!
Erinn says
Would you like a piece of flexible plastic to wipe that food all over your face?
Vincent says
A fun experiment at home for the family 1/ Pour a little bit of water over a table 2/ Drop several of those napkins over the water 3/ Leave for 5 seconds et voilà! The napkins are dry, ready to be useless again and the water spilling all over the place.
Kayla says
PREACH