Dear Shitty Napkins in Argentina,
I need to get something off my chest and be truly honest with you for a hot minute…. YOU TOTALLY SUCK.
You’ve pissed me off since the moment I first felt your terrible rough yet slippery, nonabsorbent texture. Your feeble wax-like paper material doesn’t remedy messes nor does it cure a disastrous food-on-face debacle, making you virtually incapable of wiping or cleaning.
Seriously, what’s your point anyway? Why don’t you do something with your life? You contribute nothing to society. You’re just taking up space, piling up in gross crinkled wads on tables, and fooling hard-working eaters, in a moment of weakness, in dire need of a hand wipe or face blot.
All you do is move the grease and food particles around the face, inconveniently distributing it to various garment and bodily extremities, exacerbating potential embarrassing food-on-face conditions and ultimately worsening soiled facial circumstances.
Were you created as a joke? Did you lose a bet? Were you the product of an abysmal napkin company revenge plot? Or perhaps you were the result of a discontinued dryer sheet that failed to sell at the Dollar Store?
You’re pointless and I hate you.
Yours Truly,
PS: I know you’re gonna say “Ohhh! But these napkins aren’t made to wipe your face, it’s to hold the pizza and absorb the grease. Fine! Well if that’s the case, then also please provide me with a real napkin. Okurr? Thanks and good day sir.
Messy napkin photo by Jocelyn Mandryk
Messy napkin model: Madi Lang
Michael Brichford says
Visit Italy and you will know exactly where the Argentines got their napkins. Same terrible napkin.
Betooo says
When your economy reaches shit bottom like Argentina’s has, let’s see how much better you can make the napkins.
Lina says
i always carry good napkins in my bag and a bottle of salsa and cracked red pepper seed.
Kayra says
Bravo! my sentiments exactly. i thought i was the only one that felt this way about them :)
baco says
Porque no se quedan en sus aburridos países gringos del orto que mierda vienen a hacer aca? No los necesitamos para nada soretes no son mejor que nadie
kayra says
Clasico especimen de pais 3r mundista, por gente Como vos el pais no progresa, solo hablabamos De las servilletas truchas que usan. Agarra un ARCO y flecha y anda a recuperar las Malvina’s hace algo productivo por tu tierra en lugar De buscar pleito en donde no te llaman.
Me Parece que esta malhumorado , que paso? Su negocio en LA zona Roja no le anda muy bien? hablas Como alguien con mucha hambre!? Como hago que te llegue un asado? Para calmar tu despecho!
Lis says
Kayra, sos muy boluda para responder. Viniste a aprender espanol, no? Porque en tu pais tenes que romperte el orto para especializarte, seguramente….en fin, hacen un quilombo por unas servilletas que si, coincidimos, son de mierda, pero tiene sentido poner tanto enfasis negativo? Son unas pequenas personas..bye!
Kayra says
Lis, la boluda sos vos! Tambian oviamente despechada! Que saves tu lo que vine hacer!? Mi primer lenguaje es el español. Me parece que con el poco ingles que te aprendiste haces Como el otro boludo, y te metes en lo que no te importas! Se saves leer poses ver que lo negative lo comoenzo el tal BECO. Tenes Un pequeño celebro, tarada! ….chauuuu!:)
astridlena says
Si ésa es la experiencia en la mesa, coincidirás conmigo que la situación en el baño de algunos lugares es aún peor… o no?
Beth Leonhardt says
No truer words have ever been written!
leandro says
some (25/30) years ago, there was a big crisis here, and cigarettes where expensive for teens, so we used to stole the whitest napkins to roll our owns …
Pablo says
They are crap, they’ll always be crap. Whoever the inventor of this stuff is/was, he should be forced to eat with them for the rest of his life: alternativelly, if he/she is dead, maybe we should be oppose their use on any place that serves “food”
Heck, I think most people here are so used for them to being crap that we simply do not use them.
Josh Johnson (@JJtravels) says
So true. Unfortunately they’re not limited to Argentina – I’ve found them all throughout Latin America.
H BA says
One only reason :http://practicopedia.lainformacion.com/files/rosa_servilletas_papel_0.jpg
Rosa Meltrozo says
It’s meant for human beings, not cunting hogs.
Mosa Reltrozo says
Whats a cunting hog?
Norm says
I tried to tell myself that I was just a spoiled American and I should get over it, but then I realized, NO, these napkins really do SUCK! Why would a country with excellent restaurants and good wine settle for one-ply, wax-coated postage stamps instead of actual napkins? There must be a better place to cut corners.
Allie says
Best explanation I’ve read so far. Thanks, Reddit.
“Yo tenía entendido que eran para agarrar la pizza. Es la famosa servilleta de pizzeria. Justamente como no absorben son perfectas para “sostener” una porción sin llenarte de aceite las manos. De la época en que vendían por porción y te sentabas en una banqueta que hacía ruido como la palanca de cambios de un 147 viejo.” – Nuclearrr
http://www.reddit.com/r/argentina/comments/2v2yd1/an_open_hate_letter_to_the_shitty_argentine_napkin/
Esteban says
God! we really do hate them. But in response to your “what’s your point anyway?” Well, it’s obviuosly not cleaning. But you can make a very simple very cute origami rose to give the person you’re sitting with when they ask that very same question :)
Nico says
We also hate them :)